Something is changing with me, and I’m not sure what. I am growing more and more unsatisfied, yearning for more, for better. I’m tired of feeling like a man can’t do the job. Searching and wanting, how to tame this sexual hunger. I’m not wanting multiple lovers or orgasms, I just want one to take me on a ride that leaves me shaking in ecstasy. Is that so much to ask? You can want me, possess me, control me and tease me all as long as you please me. I’m just a simple girl looking for her fifty shades. Yes he seems like he could do the job, but he’s a fictional character a man like him probably doesn’t exist. Sex isn’t good enough these days. I should just stop because its usually just a waste of time, energy and emotions. But the sick thing is that I have hope that one day I will be satisfied, that I can accomplish that higher enlightenment. I have a weakness for the flesh and I need that connection no matter how brief it is or how crappy it is. I’m not alone and maybe that’s my real problem. Replacing my loneliness with this undying craving for the touch, the smell, for the fake love. The lust and desire. Oh, do I desire. And still I must hunger.
I’m sorry I don’t want you, but the thought of losing you chokes me up. I’m scared for us now. Someday I’ll love you and we will be what we need.
I felt our relationship changed, that we were getting closer. Maybe that was just the sex talking. Maybe when lost I tried to find something that wasn’t there. I should have known better but I never thought you would hurt me like you did.
I secretly wished for this, but then I was just like “Jordana don’t be so silly, all in good time. No need to hurry.” And for some reason I still whispered the wish in my head even though it wasn’t right.
I just want to be perfect which is fucking impossible
Wanting something better for yourself makes sense. But what happens when you do nothing but want? You get nothing. Or well things shouldn’t just be handed to you. You need to earn your prosperity. Motivate yourself to pursue your dreams. Motivation is key to better things.